What is my identity? It seems every person goes through this phase in life wondering who they are, what they are doing in life, and why they are doing it. This phase comes at different times in different people's lives, but I think every person DOES(not sure how to use itallics on here) deal with these questions about themselves. The problem is how do we answer these questions. I have been dealing with these issues continually for about 6 or 7 years now and I feel no closer to the answers. I feel like a chicken with its head cut off most of the time, thinking that there are so many things I could do that will give me my identity. Could I be the smart person, funny guy, athletic dude, hardass, rich guy, partier, godly man, or any number of other things that other people deem important or revered(sp?)("godly" is not capitilized on purpose). These things alone are not necessarily wrong, many of them very good things, but the problem with the idea of these being my identity is that it forces me to need other people to tell me my identity. I believe that I shouldn't need other people to identify who I am. By allowing others to identify me I am giving them a great power over me. A power to manipulate me into doing whatever they think is right. Instead of allowing other people to define me, I feel that it is imperative to be defined by who Christ wants me to be. I realize that this is much much easier said than done. I am only writing this because I am struggling so greatly with it.
It seems the college and immediate post-college years are a time when many people deal with these identity questions. Who do we want to be in this world? What great thing will we do and what makes that thing great? Is it great because other people say it is great? Why do these people decide on what is great and what is not? In our American society, we seem to give this prestige to people that are great athletes. I love athletics. They have played a major role in my life. I am still pursuing playing a professional sport, but in the grand scheme of things, who cares who the greatest athlete is? There are so many other more important things in life than sports. But, we have to have money to survive in this world, and I suppose I have to earn that money somehow, why not do something I really enjoy?
I have been bashing the idea of obtaining our identities from other people based on what they might think is important, but I do realize I need people other than myself and Christ in my life. We have been created to desire relationships and these relationships come in many forms; fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, best friends, aquaintences(sp?). Maybe there is a healthy combination of these people, ourselves, and Christ all creating that identity, but I fear that most of us forget to allow ourselves and Christ to play a role.
After reading what I have just written, I am glad I titled this blog "Joshua Thoughts". I apologize for the back and forth nature of this post, but these are my thoughts. My thoughts tend to be a bit indecisive, but I suppose that is due to my lack of a distinct identity. So maybe this process will help in forming who I am in Christ as well as in my relationships. Also, I wrote this a couple weeks after reading a book by Donald Miller. Here is an excerpt from his book Searching For God Knows What. He explains my thoughts somewhat clearer.
"It feels like we all have these little acts, these stupid things we do that we all hang our hats on. The Fall has made monkeys of us, for crying out loud. Some of us are athletes and others of us are physicists, and some of us are good-looking and some of us are rich, and we all are running around, in a way, trying to get a bunch of people to clap for us, trying to get a bunch of people to say we are normal, we are healthy, we are good. And there is nothing wrong with being beautiful or being athletic or being smart, but those are some of the pleasures of life, not life's redemption.
Do you know what paul said about the stuff he wrote and taught? He said he didn't write with big and fancy words to try to impress people; rather, he just told the truth, God's truth, and let that be what it was, powerful and honest, making sense of life.
The thing about being a monkey is that it affects all our relationships. One writer said that what we commonly think of as love is really the desire to be loved. I know that is true for me, and it has been true for years, that often when I want somebody to like me, I am really wanting them to say that I am redeemed, that I am not a loser, that I can stay in the boat, stay in the circus, that my act redeems me.
In this sense, as harsh as Jesus' words are, they are also beautiful and comforting. No more worrying about what an audience thinks, no more trying to elbow our way to the top. We have Him instead, a God who redeems our identity for us, giving us His righteousness." -Donald Miller
