Journal Entries from Cameroon

While in Cameroon, I journaled or logged some of the things we had done almost everyday. Thought I would share some of them with you just to let you have a better picture of how our trip was from my perspective. Please forgive the choppy sentences and randomness. These were just my thoughts.

September 11, 2010

We went to Bamenda today. It is two taxi rides away from Belo. On the way back we had 3 people in the front plus the driver and 4 people in the back. It's uncomfortable but entertaining. There is very loud music playing at all times in all places-if the electricity is on.

I haven't showered since our first night in Cameroon(Sept. 7) My hair feels as though I put mass amounts of mouse or some other oily stuff in it and then didn't wash it for 2 days.

In Bamenda we went to a shop that had many different souvenir type things, but all are handmade in Cameroon. I got a coffee mug, bracelet, and a bottle opener- wooden fish with screws on the bottm to open the bottles.

We also got chocolate and cheese in another shop. Very excited about both of these actually! (It's amazing how much I realized I like cheese on this trip. It adds so much flavor and I never realized it!)

We ate in a restaurant named Dreamland(only time we ate out on the trip and only 1 of 2 times we ate meat) and we ran into the Japanese volunteer and one of his friends so we ate with them. They were meeting a Cameroonian woman to eat as well, so it was a very enjoyable, diverse lunch. The volunteer was very friendly and talkative. Sometimes I think I need to be more talkative, but I think it is better to not speak unless I have something good to offer to the conversation, but also little comments can lead into or spur on good, constructive conversations.

As Donald Miller writes, it is best to just be immersed in life- just be a dog(A Million Miles and a Thousand Years). I tend to analyze my own actions when I should just be acting(this usually stems from insecurities).

Coffee and chocolate have been the most comfort to me. Laurie made crepes with chocolate chips and bananas-freaking amazing!(We had these every other day if not more)

Arrested Development and Seinfeld have also helped my comfort level, although we have both been falling asleep very early because of the time change. 6 hours for me and 8 hours for Laurie.

Very happy I have not gotten sick yet. The taxi rides, music, and smells are not very conducive for feeling ill.

The children here seem to behave very well. They are very quiet and listen to any adult. This is a very big cultural diffrence from America. There are many, many children and the whole communnity/village cares for all them. Children, it seems are always safe because everyone cares for them whether the parents are around or not. On the bus ride from Douala, there were 4 or 5 very young boys(probably ages 3-8) sitting in front of me. Their father, actually he may not have been their father, made sure they were safely on the bus and then they were on their own, except if anything goes wrong, like them vomiting, which they did, then someone will be there to help, just as the lady sitting next to Laurie did(this lady's child vomited soon after). It is not always the best help, but their intentions seem to be of the best.

More to come.

Some Ridiculous Lines

These are just a few quotes from our adventure so far:

(in airport)
Laurie: "My goal for this trip is to bathe more often."
Me: "My goal is to bathe less."
"Another goal is to not get too sick."
Laurie: "I wouldn't keep that as a goal. It won't happen."

(on our 5 hour bus trip from Douala to Bamenda)
Lady preaching/leading songs on bus:
"Travelers should not travel with bad thoughts."
"How many people like to hear my voice?" -real question. people raised their hands.
"I am finished. People clap for me!"
"One more time."
(ps. she followed her "preaching" by selling soap)

(Nini is the very old woman in our compound-Laurie wrote about her on her blog.)
This was translated for us because she only speaks her dialect.
Nini: "If you were husband and wife, you would have a child in that house and name
her after me."

(Anna is the Cameroonian woman in charge of the after school program Laurie and Baine helped to start four years ago.)
Anna: "People are just people." -explaining why someone had made the mistake they had made.

Laurie: "I really like yelling at you. It makes me happy."
(Separate occasions)
: "Being mean to you makes me really happy."
: "I'll get my own granola bars!" -I don't really remember what was occurring.
: "I always keep chocolate in bed with me."
: "Pope smiking"

Laurie and me: "I smell really good..."

Me: "I can't wait to have clean clothes!"

(Kindness is a 2 year old Cameroonian girl living in the compound)
Kindness: "Wabana(white man), carry me!"

Cameroon!!

Well, I'm not sure where to begin. So far this adventure has been exactly that, an adventure. I still feel like we are at the beginning of this story and am anxious to know what we will learn and what we can do to help. But I am also beginning to miss home, friends, and family. However, there is much more to do and experience here for now.

The extreme change in culture began quite quickly, even in the Paris airport, which was definitely the most diverse place I have ever been. I am excited about spending time in Paris in a couple weeks! But the airport in Douala, Cameroon was quite an experience. After going through the somewhat mild customs booths, we arrived at the baggage claim, which was quite intense(probably more for me than the rest of the people that seemed to be quite comfortable with the situation). Laurie and I were 2 of maybe 5 white people in all of the airport, so needless to say we drew some attention. Surrounded by a mass of very loud and seemingly aggressive(this is just part of the culture and not actually threatening once you get used to it. I wasn't used to it yet) strangers in a strange place one's survival and protective instincts come alive in full force. After traveling for two days straight with hardly any sleep you would think there would be no energy left to be aware of what is going on, but I haven't felt that awake or aware of my surroundings in quite awhile. My brotherly protective instincts were at an all time high. I was extremely awake and anxious now. All this was probably unnecessary because we were actually not in any danger, but it was my first full immersion into this new culture.

There were many people that were not actually flying in to Douala, but were there to "help". Everyone speaking French to us and Laurie making sure I just say "no" instead of asking what they are saying because we already (very thankfully) had a man coming to pick us up. Enock, who is one of the hardest working people in Cameroon, it seems, found us among the masses and we were shortly on our way.

This trip is allowing me to view a very different culture(to me) up close, which is, in turn, allowing me to analyze my own culture from a very different perspective. I am very thankful for this opportunity. Those that have helped us and prayed for us so graciously, THANK YOU!

I have been writing down things that have happened on a daily basis, so I will share more soon.

Angst for an Endeavor

So we are leaving for Cameroon in less than 3 weeks! I am really, really excited and really, really intimidated/scared of all that goes into living in a new place/culture for awhile. I am beginning to experience my standard impatient angst for the next event in my life. I am so ready to be experiencing whatever it is I am going to experience. I'm ready to get away from the perpetual busyness of my life. I hope that I can actually savor the time I have while I am in the midst of what I think will be a life-changing event. But I fear that I will hate it, and even more that I will love it. Will I be able to really communicate and connect with the people I encounter?

I have images in my head of what the trip will look like, me running around playing soccer with kids, giving high fives and proclaiming victorious yells after we score even though I'm not much of a soccer player, and laying in a bed with a mosquito net making me feel chlaustrophobic but very happy to have it keeping the malaria at bay. I am excited about what I will learn from these kids, from the people my age, and from the elders. I am somewhat apprehensive as to what I can teach them. I believe the most important thing I can do, and I pray that God will show me the best way to display this, is to love the people I encounter. This seems very cliche to me. But even in my own experiences, I respect, truly appreciate, and want to be around the people that have really shown love to me. I am not talking about the standard occasional "How are you doin?" or short conversation that ends without any hint of a future plan to talk again. It's the people that really want to sit down with you and really want you to answer the question, "How are you doing?" and want to do something about whatever it is that's going on in your life. The people that make you feel like, at this moment, their world revolves around you. I pray for the initiative to be that person to these people. I believe that loving people requires more action than words and even in writing this, I realize I can/need to be this person more often to even my closest friends and family here in the US. Haven't left yet and already learning things from this trip! Ha.

Please pray for Laurie and me as we get ready for this endeavor. We are both anxious to get there to see what is in store for us and what we can do to be of help while we are there.

ps. I plan to do a much better job of updating my blog while we are there.

Struggling to Think of a Title

I haven't "blogged" in a very long time so I just wanted to write something. Even as I'm writing now I have no idea what I want or am going to say. Stream of consciousness I guess.(I think thats what it's called anyway). I haven't used my brain in some time now. Work has taken over my life for the time being and it's mostly a brainless job. Working so much lately has made me realize how important it is to find a job/career that you enjoy, that you care about, that is of great importance to you. The amount of time we spend at our jobs takes up a great portion of our lives. If we are spending all this time doing something we don't have a heart for or isn't challenging, I feel it is a waste of time. Granted, sometimes the "ideal" job may be out of reach for the time being and a paycheck is necessary, unfortunately. But I am beginning to realize that there are things in this life that I feel I want to do or need to do and these things aren't just going to happen. I have to actually GO do something about it. I tend to be on the lazy end of the spectrum about most things. I work hard once I get started, but it's the getting started part that seems to be a real nuisance. Now to figure out what that "ideal" job is...prayer requested. What do I care enough about to spend the rest of my life doing? I think I will figure it out, just have to get started, I guess.

On a lighter note...the weather has been amazing lately. Anyone wanna go camping?

Identities

What is my identity? It seems every person goes through this phase in life wondering who they are, what they are doing in life, and why they are doing it. This phase comes at different times in different people's lives, but I think every person DOES(not sure how to use itallics on here) deal with these questions about themselves. The problem is how do we answer these questions. I have been dealing with these issues continually for about 6 or 7 years now and I feel no closer to the answers. I feel like a chicken with its head cut off most of the time, thinking that there are so many things I could do that will give me my identity. Could I be the smart person, funny guy, athletic dude, hardass, rich guy, partier, godly man, or any number of other things that other people deem important or revered(sp?)("godly" is not capitilized on purpose). These things alone are not necessarily wrong, many of them very good things, but the problem with the idea of these being my identity is that it forces me to need other people to tell me my identity. I believe that I shouldn't need other people to identify who I am. By allowing others to identify me I am giving them a great power over me. A power to manipulate me into doing whatever they think is right. Instead of allowing other people to define me, I feel that it is imperative to be defined by who Christ wants me to be. I realize that this is much much easier said than done. I am only writing this because I am struggling so greatly with it.

It seems the college and immediate post-college years are a time when many people deal with these identity questions. Who do we want to be in this world? What great thing will we do and what makes that thing great? Is it great because other people say it is great? Why do these people decide on what is great and what is not? In our American society, we seem to give this prestige to people that are great athletes. I love athletics. They have played a major role in my life. I am still pursuing playing a professional sport, but in the grand scheme of things, who cares who the greatest athlete is? There are so many other more important things in life than sports. But, we have to have money to survive in this world, and I suppose I have to earn that money somehow, why not do something I really enjoy?

I have been bashing the idea of obtaining our identities from other people based on what they might think is important, but I do realize I need people other than myself and Christ in my life. We have been created to desire relationships and these relationships come in many forms; fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, best friends, aquaintences(sp?). Maybe there is a healthy combination of these people, ourselves, and Christ all creating that identity, but I fear that most of us forget to allow ourselves and Christ to play a role.

After reading what I have just written, I am glad I titled this blog "Joshua Thoughts". I apologize for the back and forth nature of this post, but these are my thoughts. My thoughts tend to be a bit indecisive, but I suppose that is due to my lack of a distinct identity. So maybe this process will help in forming who I am in Christ as well as in my relationships. Also, I wrote this a couple weeks after reading a book by Donald Miller. Here is an excerpt from his book Searching For God Knows What. He explains my thoughts somewhat clearer.

"It feels like we all have these little acts, these stupid things we do that we all hang our hats on. The Fall has made monkeys of us, for crying out loud. Some of us are athletes and others of us are physicists, and some of us are good-looking and some of us are rich, and we all are running around, in a way, trying to get a bunch of people to clap for us, trying to get a bunch of people to say we are normal, we are healthy, we are good. And there is nothing wrong with being beautiful or being athletic or being smart, but those are some of the pleasures of life, not life's redemption.

Do you know what paul said about the stuff he wrote and taught? He said he didn't write with big and fancy words to try to impress people; rather, he just told the truth, God's truth, and let that be what it was, powerful and honest, making sense of life.

The thing about being a monkey is that it affects all our relationships. One writer said that what we commonly think of as love is really the desire to be loved. I know that is true for me, and it has been true for years, that often when I want somebody to like me, I am really wanting them to say that I am redeemed, that I am not a loser, that I can stay in the boat, stay in the circus, that my act redeems me.

In this sense, as harsh as Jesus' words are, they are also beautiful and comforting. No more worrying about what an audience thinks, no more trying to elbow our way to the top. We have Him instead, a God who redeems our identity for us, giving us His righteousness." -Donald Miller